part 4 of blog 'Secret Diary of a Street Girl' by Bête de Nuit
People have many misconceptions about street girls. They think that drug addicts are being exploited because they have no choice but to sell themselves on the street. They think that when a street girl is having things done to her she has the same feelings as a woman who is being raped or maybe a child who is being abused. They think that street girls hate what is happening to them but put up with it because they are desperate and have no alternative.
People also think that most street girls are being pimped and many are underage. The ones that I have seen are not.
If prostitution on Tooting Bec Common was stopped then street girls would spend more time in Brixton Hill or New Park Road. As it is many of the more addicted girls like K. cannot get enough money from Tooting Bec Common and rarely go there. They go to Brixton Hill at 2 or 3 am and get into men's cars. One girl told me she was robbed there and I suspect that K. was stabbed there.
When K. started turning up again on Tooting Bec Common again a couple of years ago, I noticed she had a bandage around her middle. I suspect that she had been stabbed and that she had decided that Brixton Hill was too dangerous for her.
If prostitution was no longer an option to them then they would resort to street crime, burglary or shoplifting. They might beg or sell drugs. This is after all what male drug addicts usually end up doing. Some of the more organized women can have a number of regular clients. I met a woman on the common who said she was only there because she had lost her mobile phone and all the numbers of her clients. I don't think she was an addict.
Prostitutes often pretend that they are enjoying having sex with their clients and it can be difficult to guess what is going on in their minds. The street girls I have seen on the common don't seem to resent what I was doing to them, they were mostly chatty and friendly. There was only ever one girl who seemed to be upset.
One pleasant summer afternoon I passed a girl sitting on a bench on the common. She had a young man with her. She asked me if I had a light for her cigarette. She was reasonably pretty, and she had long hair and a short skirt, which is what I like. Most of the girls on the common wear jeans. I didn't want to talk to her with the man there but later I saw her walking around. I said I would give her ten pounds if she would let me finger her. She told me her name was T. We went somewhere and I asked her to lie down with me on the grass.
She looked very unhappy about it. This was the one time that I regret going with a girl on the common. What I would have liked to have done is to tell her that I had changed my mind, that we could just have had a chat instead. I would have told her that I can remember what it is like to be a young person in London, living in temporary accommodation, not knowing if you'll have enough money, not knowing what your future will be. I could have told her that if she uses the system then she can end up OK with a nice flat of her own, as I have done. I would also have liked to have asked her if someone was making her do this.
Some weeks after this I asked another girl that I knew called N. which girls I should avoid on the common. She said K., of course, and a woman called Zoë. But she also said T. This surprised me. I could imagine Zoë becoming violent, but I could not imagine T. being like that. She seemed quite sweet.
Zoë is a woman I saw only once. She came to the common with her friend, who looked as if she could have been attractive once. They both looked like hardened crack addicts, and Zoë looked quite evil. She sat on the bench where I was sitting. She told me her name was Candy, but she is known as Zoë (I'm not going to conceal the name of a woman I don't like). Judging from her accent she comes from Birmingham. She tried to persuade me to come into the bushes with her and when I said I wasn't interested she tried to put my hand on her crotch.
Unlike T., most of the girls on the common don't seem to mind what I did to them. But twice I have been with women on the common who have been turned on when I fingered them. I know that prostitutes often pretend to be turned on, but the signs of sexual arousal in a woman are unmistakable.
Last year I met an African girl called D. who was wearing a short skirt. She took me to a secluded place. She sat on a tree stump. I put my hand up her skirt. She wasn't wearing any knickers. I touched the outside of her pussy and after a while I inserted first one finger, and then two. I could tell she was becoming aroused. She put her head against mine and mumbled "It's very bad, it's very bad".
I asked her to come to my flat sometime. She said she would. She gave me her mobile number. I also asked her if she knew K. and N. She said these were girls she knew from New Park Road not so much Tooting Bec Common. When I asked her about N. she said "Which one?". I said "Long blonde hair" and she said "We call her 'Pretty N.'". There are two women with the same name. That sounded right to me because the N. I had known was pretty. She told me that N. was in prison.
D. came to my flat. She is the only one to have come to my flat apart from K. You might think that a young woman is not going to be sexually aroused with a middle-aged man like me but K. was quite enthusiastic when she came to my flat. These girls have lost their inhibitions. I often ask street girls if they have had sex with other girls and both K. and D. have told me that if I want they could bring another girl next time for a threesome.
When I phoned D. to ask her to come to my flat she said she would come that day. Later on she phoned me and I could recognize the distorted voice I had first heard with K. The voice they have when they have been taking a lot of crack.
She didn't turn up till about midnight. She seemed quite agitated. She went into my bathroom and started having a shower without asking me. She came into the room naked and found some of my moisturizer and covered herself from head to foot. She said it was too quiet in here and turned on the radio, turning the dial till she found something she liked. Then she sat on the floor in front of the fire and started smoking crack. This was a bit of a surprise to me. I had never seen anyone smoke crack before.
This was a different experience from when K. came to my flat. Looking at D. I could tell her face and body had yet to be affected by drugs, but she was behaving in quite a scary way. I asked her to come and lie on the bed with me which she did but she continued to smoke crack. I did have sex with her but she wasn't interested. Neither was she interested in talking, so it was a disappointment.
When she had put her clothes back on (she was quite scruffy), she phoned her taxi driver, who was reluctant to pick her up. D. pleaded with her and had a little temper tantrum, the same kind of temper tantrum that I had seen happen with K. and the woman in the documentary I saw. I had given her fifty pounds.
I never invited D. back to my flat. I would be very tempted to have two girls come to my flat but I'm not going to risk it. It would be difficult to keep control of one drugged up girl let alone two. I imagined one of them in the bathroom phoning her friends and inviting them to come round. Not what I had in mind.
A few weeks later I saw D. in the street. She called out to me. I went over and she gave me a big hug. She seemed completely different and back to her normal self.
Perhaps the first girl I ever saw on the common was N., about seven years ago. She looked like a teenager then. For some reason I never paid her much attention after that, not for several years. She seemed to be there all the time. She had her own area of the common away from the other girls.
I remember once I approached her. She tried to persuade me to have sex with her. She said that I could come in her mouth. She said something about how she needed to pay these men off. There were a couple of men hanging about.
A couple of years ago I saw her on the common after I hadn't seen her for a while. She looked quite healthy. I said that I don't really like to have sex on the common and she said she had a flat we could go to. She asked me how much I normally pay for that and I told her thirty pounds. She gave me her phone number and some days later I phoned her.
She told me to wait for her at a train station. She told me she had just come from court and that she had to write a letter to the judge. We went to her flat and I said I would like a blowjob. We took off all our clothes and I lay on the bed. She said I could come in her mouth but I would have to tell her when I was coming. While she was giving me a blowjob she pushed her bum into my face. I don't know if she wanted me to lick her pussy. She had put the TV on, there was a programme about antiques, because she is interested in antiques.
I went to her flat a second time a few weeks later. It was then that I asked her which girls I should avoid on the common. She said 'Next time let's go to your flat'. Several weeks later I tried to contact her. I left a voicemail message for her and then a text, inviting her to come to my flat. I didn't get a reply.
I met a woman on the common earlier this year called C. She is heavily addicted but seems a nice person and very friendly. I asked her to tell me what goes on at Brixton Hill and she told me that she had been robbed last night.
I asked her if she knew K. and N. She said that K. can be very rude and insulting. I asked if she could give N. my phone number because I wanted to see N. again. When she realized that I had got the two N.s mixed up she said that the N. that I had known didn't really do it anymore. She said that they knew her as 'Nine-fingered N.'.
I didn't expect to see N. again. I was hoping that she had given up drugs. One day I was on the common and she came up to me. Normally I would have been delighted to see her. The problem was that she looked really dreadful. I had a little chat with her but I made an excuse not to go with her. I said that I had only just got there and I wanted to look around to see which girls were there. She told me that she expected Mummy to come to the common because she usually came in the afternoons. I asked her who she meant and she told me about an older woman they call 'Mummy' who looks after the girls.
Several years ago I encountered a woman called J. She was one of the only two women who seemed to physically respond to my probings. I saw her this year in the company of a very nice young woman. I took the young woman into the bushes and gave her ten pounds. She told me she doesn't do drugs, she likes alcohol. She had full breasts. Addicts have lost that. I said I would like her to come to my flat and she agreed to give me J.s number as she was staying with her. She said she calls her J. but also Mummy.
When I phoned a few days later J. said she would pass on the message, but I didn't hear from her. I saw J. weeks later and she said the young woman had moved out and was in rehab.
I was upset after my encounter with N. I assumed that she had been taking too many drugs. It could have been that she wasn't wearing any makeup that day. I have seen K. without makeup. It could even be that she has Aids. I asked her which N. she was and she held up her hand. She had only three fingers and a thumb. I hadn't noticed before. She said it was an accident with a tin opener.
It would be nice if N. had given up drugs or cut right down and that she kept a few regular punters, including me. That's what I would really like. I would like to know a local girl, perhaps a young mother who needs a bit of extra cash. Then I wouldn't go to Tooting Bec Common any more, or to Soho either.
I have been to Soho many times over the years. The girls can be very beautiful and healthy looking and don't cost much money. I don't believe they have been trafficked. I have checked out my local brothel but it is more expensive.
About thirty years ago I went to visit my sister in rehab. She was an alcoholic. One day she told me about a girl who was planning to leave rehab. She said she was a heroin addict and she was offering herself to men to get money. I had seen this girl and she looked pretty and nice. An ordinary girl, not rough looking at all. My reaction to hearing this was a mixture of horror and fascination and sexual arousal.
Since that time I have been fascinated by street girls. Every so often a documentary appears on TV about street girls and I find it fascinating. I saw one about three girls east London which was very sad. I saw one made by a man who filmed a former schoolmate of his who was an addict in Toxteth, Liverpool. He showed a photo he had of her when she was about ten in her school uniform. She looked like an ordinary girl, smiling and sweet. It made me think it could so easily happen to anyone.